crimsonkitsune

Holy shit, I'm still alive! Haven't posted in forever... again... I think I see a theme, here...

So, damn... what happened?

Mom and Leo separated in September of 2011... He moved out. I met a guy online, paid for him to move here from Ohio... dated for a while... I thought I loved him. He ended up being a dick, like all my other boyfriends. Mom kicked him out this past August when she found out how much he hated her... which was a lot. He moved with some friends two hours away. He stopped talking to me, even though he frequented Facebook... so we broke it off. Bastard still has my Kindle.
Paw died on August 3rd, 2011. The day I took my braces off. I remember getting a call from mom when I was waiting for my orthodontist to come in the room. I couldn't answer and I didn't think it was a big deal. About an hour later, when I was de-bracified, I listened to her voicemail. It said pretty much, "Call as soon as you can." I call and mum says to go to my grandparents. I knew something was wrong, but she said things were fine, but Paw was close...
I remember driving so fast, breaking every speed limit. I remember opening the door to my grandparent's house and the first thing I saw was my grandmother laughing with the Hospice ladies. A surge of relief went through me and I thought, "Oh! Granny's laughing, so Paw must be okay."
He had died before I was able to call mom back, while I was getting the metal off. Mom didn't want to tell me over the phone. I just remember... feeling so hopeful at seeing Granny laughing... and I look in the livingroom and see Paw, but he looked weird... He looked... grey. I was still clinging to hope until I saw mom... her eyes were so red.
On February 6th, Sally, my darling baby girl, died. Mum and I were away from home when she passed. My dickhead ex was... not my ex, then... and he was with her. Josh had called me fifteen times. I don't remember why I didn't have my phone with me... but we get home and Pook is freaking out. We heard Josh from my room and mom went in first. She swung around and told me to take Pookie out. I was confused, but Pook was going crazy, so I complied. When I came back in, mom went up to me and hugged me. I could tell she was crying, so I ran to my room and... there was Josh on the floor, sobbing... and he was cuddling my little baby... my darling Sally... He had wrapped her in one of his shirts because... she was starting to smell. Josh kept apologizing, over and over. Even though we have since broken up, I'm glad that he was with her... that she wasn't alone in the end.
For a while, I felt guilty that I mourned the loss of Sally more than the loss of my grandfather. Mum explained that I shouldn't feel guilty... and eventually, the guilt passed.

I have had good things happen since my last post, though. Got a job at Massage Envy. It's not the best, but it's not the worst, either... and at least I'm working in my field. As any other job, there are pros and cons. Presently, the pros are outweighing the cons, but... things may change.

I've had some really awesome things happen, too. Getting to be closer friends with someone (she's actually part of the reason I made this entry). I'm making new friends... Reconnected with an old internet friend. Made some new internet friends, too.

And then, I guess, the most recent happiness/turmoil. There's a guy that I like... I was introduced to him at an awesome event hosted by aforementioned friend.
Anyway, I kinda starting crushing on him right away. Big time.
Hum.... long story short, we have since had sex. A lot. And, while I do want a long-term boyfriend, this may be what I need right now. My breakup was fairly recent... and holy shit, is he good in bed...
So... maybe I need this physical connection with someone? It's sort of amusing, though... after each time it's happened, we've been like, "Okay, we have to back up. Go back to being friends." And yeah, I would definitely like to get to know him better. Hopefully, maybe, possibly become boyfriend/girlfriend...
But... in the meantime... I really want it to happen again. I don't want to ruin our growing friendship. I don't want things to be awkward... but damn... I have never felt that good before. Physically.
I really do like hanging out with him. Just, it seems... we shouldn't hang when it's only the two of us. Like I said, though... I really, really want it to happen again. And then there's a part of me kicking myself for thinking that. And then the carnal part kicked back, saying, "Enjoy the ride!"

Hrmph.

So, this post has been long enough.
I cried a few times typing it up.

Holy crap, I haven't updated in forever... as usual. Pfft. What the hell are all these spam comments? *delete delete delete*

I quit Walmart, I went to Canada to visit my brother, got into five million fights with my mom while there and on the way back... I really have too much to say... Um...

My grandfather is dying. The nurses are surprised that he's still alive, actually. Mom's having a tough time of it...

I'm on staff for Mechacon, but it's not a paying job. Just means I get free room and transportation, and that I have to work the con instead of enjoying myself.

Oh, about coming home from Canada... My ear popped during the last twenty or so minutes of the flight going to New Orleans... It still hasn't normalised... so, it's like my ear has cotton shoved into it and every once in a while, it hurts. This happened in the wee morning hours of Wednesday.
Also, Luke gave me his cold.

I am working at Wal-Mart, just not the position I had hoped for. I really wanted to be a cashier, since I loved being one at Albertson's and I actually miss it. I sort of dug my own grave, however, when I put in my application that I have bakery experience... because that's where they put me. 
This is pretty much the end of my second week. My feet hurt, my body aches, and oh, did I mention that on most days, I have to be at the bakery for FOUR IN THE MORNING? Yeah. I have to be at the Wal-Mart before the sun is even lightening the sky, when the stars are still bright and beautiful (just not in the Wal-Mart parking lot because the lights there are too bright).
Long story short, I've applied to be transferred to the front as a cashier. Hurrah...

Every once in a while, I rent movies from the library, which is awesome and cool and fantastic. While browsing one day, I came across a DVD of the live recording of the final Broadway showing of RENT. Of course, I gasped and snatched it up. Mom and I finally got a chance to start watching it last night, though we had to stop at the intermission so I could go to bed (I'm like an old woman, now. D:  ). So, today, we finished it. Naturally, I teared up a few times, but I didn't cry. Then, I started watching the extras, little segments about the final performance, some of the original cast going on stage at the end, people talking about how RENT has changed their lives for the better, and how, "All good things must come to an end." I really didn't start crying until I saw the Broadway lights for RENT go out. It is tradition to turn the lights out when the show has finished its run, but just seeing that pretty much made me bawl like a baby. I had known that RENT ended its run on Broadway, but just seeing the lights go out made it real to me.

What is happening with my life?

I'm home alone right now, or pretty close to it. Mom is taking a nap and Leo is at work. I'm supposed to be typing something up for mom, but the internet is so distracting.

Tomorrow, I have a job interview at Wal-Mart, of all places. Not massage-therapy related, but a job is a job and this family needs money. Mom quit her job (for many reasons, but mainly she wasn't getting paid and her boss is a bitch) and Leo is working at Wal-Mart himself, in the deli. With only money from Leo coming in and my past due student loans looming overhead, I really need to break into the working world.

Wednesday night, I had applied to a bunch of places, and then Thursday, I rode around Lafayette, bringing my massage resume to different locations. When I got home, I told this to Leo, to which he responded, "Shoulda done that months ago." I have been applying places. Pretty much everywhere! I even applied to McDonalds, and they didn't even give me a call, although their "Hiring" sign is still sitting pretty in front of the building. Of course, I don't really want to work there, anyway. They're just very close, as in walkable, and have the hiring sign out.

Friday, mom and I went to the Cecilia homecoming game. It was kind of fun and a little sad. We didn't recognize nearly as many people as we thought we would. We left the game at the beginning of the fourth quarter (Cecilia was kicking ass) and rode around a little, deciding to go see our old house. It's very different and I'd really like to see it during the day sometime.
Mom and I were also reminded of pretty much the only thing we miss about living in the country: the stars. I drove somewhere and pulled on the side of the road just so I could look up at the sky. I actually almost cried, it was so beautiful. I haven't really been able to see stars that bright since I moved out in the summer of 2007. Where we live now is right next to the interstate and a Burger King that stays open 24 hours, with a giant, bright sign proclaiming such. If you go out our front door and look to the left, you can't help but see the giant sign. Plus, they recently put a lighted billboard right at the end of the road. Even if you don't look at the sign itself, the lights leave this huge trail of whiteness all the way to the middle of the sky. It's really depressing to not be able to see the stars clearly.

I probably had something else to write about, but this entry is boring and long enough already.

The night before last, I had several strange dreams. I can only really remember two of them, however.
The first one started with me and a group of friends (no one I could really recognize) in one of the friend's back yards. For some reason, they had a red kiddie roller coaster in their yard. The more we looked at it, the bigger it seemed to be, though in the dream, it never actually changed shape, not physically. It just looked bigger, and so it was bigger... but it was always... the same size...? I don't know, dream logic is weird. In any case, we had to climb this tall ladder to get to the platform. We were really high up and about to finally ride the coaster (which was now not kiddie at all) when the dream ended.

The next dream started with me alone in my house. As I was passing by the front door to go to the kitchen, a very tall man (about seven feet or more) came in the door, holding this weird blade-thing. It was really more of a long icepick, but had sharp edges. I freaked out and reached for the knife drawer, at the same time thinking, "No, then he'll know where the knives are!" I remember getting the huge French knife we have before he got to me but he knocked it from my hand and started cutting at my legs. I think at this point, I was the closest I've ever been to a lucid dream because I remember thinking, "Why doesn't this hurt? It should be hurting me because he's cutting my skin."
I ended up getting away, but I'm not sure how; the dream kind of blurred. I got to a neighbor's house and she let me in, then the dream ended and I woke up.

Last night, I had another strange dream. I know I had more than one, but I can only remember the last one. The dream was set in some post-apocalyptic world and I know the person I was in the dream was actually a guy. I was living in a colony of survivors and I remember the elder (or whatever he was) talking about how we were supposed to be trading with other colonies but for around 130 years, we weren't trading. I remember watching one guy playing with the remote to the gate, opening and closing it, and I could see a canine creature outside, creeping toward the gate.
The dream shifted and I was outside the gate with my father, who looked surprisingly like Dennis Quaid. We were on some type of hunting mission and I saw more of those canine creatures.

... And that was pretty much it. Heh.

I'm not sure if it's my favorite of all time, but I really love the music video from Peter Gabriel's Sledgehammer. It's so fantastic.



In the theme of stop-motion awesome music videos, I also really love Oren Lavie's Her Morning Elegance. I used to watch the video a few times every day after I had first seen it. It's awesome, plus the song is very pretty.

Gaaah, what the fuck am I doing?
Pull yourself together, Kiera. Do something right for a change.

Yay, I have graduated. Maybe now I can actually do something with my life.
Lauren couldn't make it to the IHOP dinner (which was delicious), so instead, I'm finally going to go on my little scooter adventure to her house and spend the night and watch movies and eat strange Japanese candy and fangirl about David Tennant and maybe Matt Smith and do other girly things. Hurrah.

I've been getting an itch to write stories, but I don't know where to start. I have so many ideas, but they're just broad ideas, not many specifics. I have trouble with details and, of course, motivation. These ideas are just spinning around in my head, but they don't seem to want to be taken down and put to page. Rather bothersome.

Tonight, I finally did the love ritual I mentioned who-knows-how-long-ago (I mentioned it in March... I checked...). I felt a little awkward doing it, but I started to feel pretty good afterwords. I felt a cool thrill pass through me whenever I held the four pieces of rose quartz together. Hopefully that's a good sign. The bits of rose quartz are now arranged around my room, near the four corners of my bed, as the book suggested. I'd really love for it to work. This whole alone-thing sort of has me bummed out.

I'm home from Mechacon, it was fantastic. I got to help out and will be helping next year, too! The only loot I have is a bunch of strange Japanese candy I'll be sharing with Lauren, some nifty-cool orange paper star earrings I got from the artist alley, and a plushie of... ( Parasol Kirby!Collapse ) Yay. :3
The time I had the most fun, though was Saturday night when we were in the hotel room and just playing games. We laughed so much, it started to hurt! It was so much fun.

I'm graduating today, after... who knows how long. I invited my parents, grandparents, two uncles, and then Krystal, Lauren, and Justin. Justin never responded, so I'm pretty sure he's not coming. Lauren says she thinks graduations are more of a family event, but will be coming to the little dinner afterwords at IHOP. Granny says a bit of the opposite, saying that I would be happier if it were just my friends coming to the graduation instead of my family. She went on to say that Leo was stupid for taking off of work to see me graduate, that he's losing money. Leo himself said something in the same vein. He wasn't able to see me graduate high school because he was offshore, working. The fact that both of them said that, though, made me a bit depressed. Hopefully it won't spoil my night.

Krystal is going to spend the night and I have about four hours before I have to be at the graduation place... but instead of getting ready and cleaning my room and the like, I'm on the computer... of course. Pfft.

Today and yesterday, I have applied to three different places. Ross, Subway, and, ugh, McDonald's. The only one that actually says they're hiring is the latter, so I have the "best" chance of getting on there. My family is in some pretty desperate times at present, so anywhere is better than nowhere... and if I do get hired there, I could actually walk to work, considering I can almost see their sign from my yard. Pfft.

I brought my application in to Subway today, which was really crowded since it was lunch-time. I rode my scooter, which was fun, and got a tasty sammach. There was a manager there at the time, who was really nice. He even came over to talk to me about my scooter. I really hope I get hired there.
While, there, I saw this little boy with a horrendous haircut. His head was shaved everywhere, except for the sides of his head... and there was an "E" shaved into one of the sides. The boy must have been five or six. I just couldn't help but stare at him.

Mechacon is this weekend, which should be fun. I'm actually leaving to go to Krystal's in Baton Rouge tonight, so we can leave early tomorrow morning to get to New Orleans. I haven't been in that city since we brought Luke there to the airport, and if memory serves, that was when he still actually lived here and he was going to Canada to get married.

Mom got this very cute kitten not to long ago. She named the kitten as a tribute to Luke and Mati; the  kitten's name is Luma. She's really adorable and fluffy, but she has her problems. Like the fact that her farts are the worst thing ever! How the hell can something so small and cute make such a gag-inducing stench?! She just loves farting whenever you pick her up. Thankfully she doesn't do it too often, but whenever she does...
Her other issue is instead of being cute and cuddly, she is very feisty. Her nickname from me is Needles because she has very sharp, little claws that she loves using. She needs to learn how to use them on Pookie, though.
Luma and Pookie seem to get along well enough. Pookie loves chasing her, though. Amusingly enough, yesterday I saw Luma chasing Pookie! Now, Luma is slightly smaller than Pookie's head, so there's quite a difference in size. Pookie likes knocking her over and tugging on her ears. Unfortunately, he also likes eating her poop... which is rather disgusting.

( My adventures with plasma donations (needles). Not for the squeemishCollapse )

Right-o! Now, I'm off to walk to Pook-monster and get to packing! Craziness.